Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Feeling like a Failure...
Every morning I wake up still pregnant, I die alittle inside. I just feel so defeated, like my body has no clue what its suppose to be doing...i've been having contractions constantly, but nothing that does anything. It's getting so tiring and i'm so sick of being pregnant! I woke up this morning at 3am, realizing I wasn't in labor and proceeded to cry and cry and wake up Joel and he held me until I stopped, but even now, I still feel like nothing is going right...I'm already so worried about bonding with this baby because I don't have much experience with kids and the whole idea is still freaking me out, and having to go through all this disappointment and failure is not making anything better...The daily facebook posts and constant questioning isn't helping...I just feel like a big bowl of crap, it's not like I haven't been trying!! Since the weekend i've been bouncing for hours on the exercise ball, eating pineapple core, accupressure points, long walks..and NO progress at yesterday's appointment. He said at this point i'm not even 'induceable'...they'll check me again on friday and if anything has changed they would schedule me for monday to be induced, but if i'm still not induceable, but the baby is fine, he would let me go all the way to next week at 42 weeks before inducing me...I don't know if I can handle this for a whole other week. Sorry, i'm just having myself a pity party, but i'm just really frustrated, i'm over this.
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Aw Chanda, no one thinks you're doing anything wrong when they ask if you've had the baby yet, you silly goose. We're just as anxious as you to see the little one. I mean, it's gotta happen sooner or later. Hopefully before we get there (in 2 weeks)! He's probably just waiting for us, sorry we didn't plan to come sooner.
ReplyDeleteAww :( don't be so down on yourself! I think a lot of women feel this way when they're overdue, there's nothing you can personally do about it though! You must have a way comfy uterus :P I hope "pops" (so to speak) out soon. And when I had my first baby I was petrified because I hadn't had any experience with babies and I wasn't really keen on children - ok that sounds bad, lol - but I was fine! My mum was the same, she says it's something about the baby being "yours" that makes a total difference. I dunno, I love being a mum now (still don't really like many other kids though, lol) and I've got a second bub on the way! Best of luck for the future!!
ReplyDeleteOh and here is Amy's post when she was going through the same sort of thing http://amyschmamey.blogspot.com.au/2011/12/40-weeks-3-days.html