Being a stay at home mom...

I'm not sure where i'm going to take this entry and if i'm gonna go all hearts out or reserve myself...I'm bored, I don't know how people do this stay at home thing...I'm exhausted when Hank wakes me up in the morning, I have no drive to do anything during the day, I can clean the entire house in 15 minutes, I don't want to start any projects because it upsets me when I don't get it done on my terms and Hank gets cranky and I can't finish...You can only go to the store so many times in a day, and carrying hank around in that car seat is exhausting...

When Joel gets home he helps, but as soon as everyone falls asleep it's mostly up to me, he does the weekend nights and gets up sometimes to shush him, but I feel like it's a broken record...Same thing everyday, and i'm BORED.

I want to go back to work, but being exhausted from getting up all night doesn't make me a workable person, and then of course the anxiety of even going back into the work force scares the CRAP outta me...

I Hate that Hank won't sleep in his crib, I hate that I can't keep his attention for more than 10 minutes, I hate that he doesn't tell me exactly when he's hungry and how much he wants to eat, I hate that I have no one to spend time with during the day, I hate that I can't rock Hank to sleep, I hate that I give up at 3am when hank is wide awake, and I just want to go back to sleep, I hate that I just sit in front of the tv and waste my days away, I hate that I look forward to the afternoons I get to myself. I HATE that I feel this way, but I do, and I know of all the ladies out there that would give anything to be a stay at home mom, but I just don't think i'm cut out for this... I don't enjoy it.

Now don't get me wrong...I LOVE HANK, sooooooo much. I love when he smiles at me in the morning when he wakes up and sees my face, I love when he giggles from the silliest things, I love the face he makes when I feed him his food, I love how he loves his daddy so much, and smiles soooo big when he comes home from work, I love when he falls asleep and snores SO loud, I love how he gets more enjoyment from his burp rag than any expensive toys we've got him, I love that he completely knows when i'm coming to suck boogers out of his nose and he tolerates it, I love sooo many things about him.

That's why I feel so guilty for hating spending all day with my precious boy...I don't know how people do it.

Two pacifiers at once!

Lounging...with no pants on.

Iris bug playing dead...

Hat time with Daddy

5 months!

Jeez, it's been awhile. Nothing exciting going on, just hanging out with Hank daily and I'm still going out to the zoo and volunteering once to twice a week...

I'm getting really stir crazy being a stay at home mom, and i'm not good at projects or crafts because I get bored easily, and also frustrated when Hank has those days when he just doesn't want to be set down, so I find myself just watching tv and being a lame housewife...I would really love to go back to work, but i'm not sure if that's in the cards in the near future.

Went to MN in October and saw my sister and future niece/nephew in her belly!! Can't wait to meet he or she!! So exciting!

Hank is still not sleeping in his crib...but I think he's starting to get restless in the swing, ugh, and the worst part is I don't think i'm ready for him to sleep in his own room...I feel like I would always be worrying! When he's in the room with us I can hear his little snore and know that he's okay.

He's sitting up unassisted pretty well...almost figuring out crawling, but not getting anywhere, haha, we're going to have to baby proof everything soon, we haven't done ANYTHING! and I'm really worried we're going to have to get rid of most of our decorations in the living room, or else just put up a bunch of shelves to store everything on.

He's eating puree's, somedays he likes them, somedays he doesn't...eh, we'll see.

Anywho, here are some recent pictures...

Wearing Daddy's hat

Relaxing with daddy

Hank Voted

Sitting up!!

The babies I get to spend time with out at the zoo :-)