When Joel gets home he helps, but as soon as everyone falls asleep it's mostly up to me, he does the weekend nights and gets up sometimes to shush him, but I feel like it's a broken record...Same thing everyday, and i'm BORED.
I want to go back to work, but being exhausted from getting up all night doesn't make me a workable person, and then of course the anxiety of even going back into the work force scares the CRAP outta me...
I Hate that Hank won't sleep in his crib, I hate that I can't keep his attention for more than 10 minutes, I hate that he doesn't tell me exactly when he's hungry and how much he wants to eat, I hate that I have no one to spend time with during the day, I hate that I can't rock Hank to sleep, I hate that I give up at 3am when hank is wide awake, and I just want to go back to sleep, I hate that I just sit in front of the tv and waste my days away, I hate that I look forward to the afternoons I get to myself. I HATE that I feel this way, but I do, and I know of all the ladies out there that would give anything to be a stay at home mom, but I just don't think i'm cut out for this... I don't enjoy it.
Now don't get me wrong...I LOVE HANK, sooooooo much. I love when he smiles at me in the morning when he wakes up and sees my face, I love when he giggles from the silliest things, I love the face he makes when I feed him his food, I love how he loves his daddy so much, and smiles soooo big when he comes home from work, I love when he falls asleep and snores SO loud, I love how he gets more enjoyment from his burp rag than any expensive toys we've got him, I love that he completely knows when i'm coming to suck boogers out of his nose and he tolerates it, I love sooo many things about him.
That's why I feel so guilty for hating spending all day with my precious boy...I don't know how people do it.
Two pacifiers at once!
Lounging...with no pants on.
Iris bug playing dead...
Hat time with Daddy
Have you looked into a mommy group? Like a group of people who meet up at parks or where ever with their similarly aged kids and talk about stuff?
ReplyDeleteI have heard that this is a key factor in making stay at home parenting work for a lot of people.
i know what you mean. i have two boys, aged 2 and 5, and i stay at home with them. i remember when my oldest son was just a few months old. i was SO bored. i even went back to work part time for a couple years until i got pregnant with my second son. things looked up when he was a little bit bigger and could actually start doing stuff. but yeah, i know how you feel. :)
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