Most ridiculous of days..

So these past couple of weeks i've been having a hard time with work and life and bills and all the other stuff in my life. I try to always be happy and friendly at work even when people are irritating me and driving me crazy, but yesterday was the most rewarding day of my life, well i mean where work comes into it.

So i came back from lunch to find an envelope with just "Chanda" written on it, sent through the mail to the clinic address. Jokingly i said it was probably fan mail, but i honestly thought it was just a birthday card from a family member or something like that...so i open the card, and this is what it says...

"Dear Chanda,

              I hope i spelled your name right. We wanted to thank you for always having a smile and being so very nice to our babies every time we come into the clinic. We like to help and reward young people who work hard when we can. Finding good workers now days is hard and we can tell you love your work and all the animals, what a treasure you are. We hope this helps some and lets you know that your hard work does count. Keep up the good work and God Bless. "

Okay, wow...how amazing right?? I was in tears, until i turned over what was IN the card...a 500$ money order! FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!

What??!!

Oh my god, i was bawling, i kept crying every time someone read it, i can't believe it, i did something to make someone so happy, and i can't believe it!! I feel like i have to work even harder to make sure i never treat anyone poorly!

I will carry this card in my purse for the rest of my life, and always look at it when i'm having an awful day and feel like i hate my job and that i don't matter to anyone. Holy camoley!

-Chanda

Worthless...

Uh! I'm feeling like such a failure lately...being sick is an epic fail from my body, and i never feel like i am truely secure in my job, even though i've worked there for almost 6 years and have gone through hell and back, i still feel like Dr K sees me as a kid and that my position is like...disposable. Everyone else thinks i'm delusional, but i can't help but feel like an awful person, i wish i could just be one of those people that goes to sleep and doesn't toss and turn for hours worrying about stupid little things. I swear i'm getting ulcers, i'm sure its defiantly contributed to my headaches.

I feel the worst because i've already taken off so much time this summer and now i've been sick for two days and then i'll be leaving early this friday and next friday for judging at the fair. Uhhhhhhhhhh! Anyway i have this stupid colitis again, my intestines are attacking themselves. stupid.

-Chanda

Still super lame and dull

(Warning: super long...)

I can't believe how awful i have been at blogging...i have boxes full of journals that i used to write in multiple times a day, at one time i even kept a tape-recorder diary, and before the world of blogging i used to write in an online diary all time. It's ridiculous, i used to love writing anything and everything about what happened during the day, i dunno. I have a feeling some things will change.

I have been on medication for "anxiety" since i was 15...literally once i started taking the drugs i felt like i wasn't as open minded as i once was, I also used to write at least two poems a day! And since i've been on these drugs i feel like i don't have had the creativity that i once had flowing through my blood! Well...because i had been on this drug for sooo long, and actually it isn't recommended for people under the age of 18, and i was put on it when i was 15! Not to mention it's one of the worst drugs for withdrawl, and allllso its not even specifically made for anxiety!

I went years wanting to get off of Effexor, but every time i tried to decrease my dose or just cold-turkey it, my body went into crazy withdrawls...like curled up on the bathroom floor sweating, vomitting, and brain zaps, I couldn't function..it sucked, and it also screwed with my head knowing that if i just took one stupid pill it would make me feel normal again...i didn't want to be dependent on feeling normal just by a stupid little pill.

So i spoke to many doctors about getting off of it, and the overall result i got from it was...'if its working, don't bother getting off it' Well, the thing is; it wasn't working, i was having small panic attacks all the time, and the effexor wasn't doing anything to make them better or ease the anxiety, i was about to poop my pants, ready to pass out anxious...and according to normal people, i guess that's not normal. Soo, i HAD to get off of it!

I finally got a hold of a psychologist that specializes in drug discontinuing and all sorts of other stuff, so it took about 4 months to get an appointment, but i finally got in, told her my story...she had to go through the usual 'do you hear voices?' questions, but that day she sent me home with a couple drug prescriptions that were going to 'bridge' my meds until my body was good with decreasing the dose and then i would have something that i would only take at the time of having an attack or that i can take ahead of time if i think i might get anxious...so i'm soooo fricking proud to say that after being dependent on drugs for over 8 years, i am completely drug free!!

I have not taken any medication daily for almost a month now and i feel so much better! There were a few days when i first quit the drugs i felt alittle woozy, and had one morning of brain zaps, but now i'm feeling great, its strange in the morning when i'm getting ready i always think i'm forgetting something..i used to always have to take a pill in the morning!

Don't get me wrong i still get awful anxiety attacks, but i think it's gotten to a point i can figure out other things to think of instead of freaking out.

Anywho, besides on the mission of loosing a couple pounds, blogging or just writing in general are a couple of my goals i hope i can fulfill!! yay!

-Chanda

Bunny butterbutts

I love this picture of bun bun, she looks so startled, like her lip is all turned up like "wha?" haha

Charlie...the mysterious black bun, he's so hard to photograph, cuz you never get to see his eyes or his adorable floppy ears, but taking pictures outside worked great!

my day...in less pictures than i had hoped

Today was sooo crazy at work, we had a tech call in sick and had about a million surgeries and drop offs...i tried to take pictures, but i could hardly take time to go to the bathroom.

Puppies...i got some puppy cuddles today, she was the sweetest little pumpkin face.
Tiny baby puppy we had to bottle feed all day long...we had more puppies today than usual.
Chilaxin in surgery waiting for the dr to come in...don't i look sexy in my mask and cap?!
Lil' pomeranian that was spayed today, all prepped and waiting for the doc.

Well that was just a smaaaallll glimpse of what happened today, i will try to be better next time.

-Chanda

Bunnehs...a mysterious folk

Iris loves her winter coat, but she's so much more active without clothes on...direct quote from Joel "Iris is more sassy without her clothes on." She also has invisible friends she plays with...greyhounds are strange.



I've been trying so hard to get adorable pictures of the bunnies, they are too fast! Bun bun is much more comfortable in front of the camera than charlie is, he's scared of everything. Poor lil' fellow, i do nothing but scare the poop out of him, literally, he poops when he gets scared, hehe.

Someday...i will get an amazing picture of the buns.

-Chanda

Valentine cupcakes!

I was feeling extra crafty today for some reason and thought i would try my hand at making something special for my co-workers in lue of valentines day! So i took the idea from The dainty Squid She's amazing!! And i followed her directions for yummy multi-colored cupcakes!

The mixes

In the oven...

Decorate!

Minis!

<3

Yummmm!!

Awesome colors!!

The inside is even fancier!!

It was so much easier than i thought it would be, amazing! and delicious!

-Chanda