Woah!

Helllllo again! Two years later....holy crap! So much has changed. I am a fairly happy person again! Wow, I had a super rough patch there! I went back to work part time when hank was 9 months and it's the best thing I've ever done! I'm back to being a vet tech and I love getting out of the house and using my brain two days a week, and it's great to get away from hank for awhile, and he loves spending time with his grandparent so all around win!

I am so incredibly excited my sister is moving into town, with her hubby and little babe And I could not be any more excited! Hank loves his cousin and I think we are going to have so much fun together!

We still have two dogs, iris our greyhound and major our border collie. It's coming up on the two year anniversary of my pupper dog Mateo and I still miss him like crazy, I plan to get a memorial tattoo later this month, that I'm super stoked about!

Anyway, that's it for a small update, I'm going to 'attempt' to keep blogging again...

-Chanda

Sooooo....

I got off the new meds...turns out they were awful and making me horribly depressed and horrible. I feel alot better, I'm still exhausted and frustrated, but not on the verge of crying and being hysterical...Hank has NOT been sleeping still...The second night we put him in his crib to sleep he slept 5 hours at first, woke up to eat and then fussed the rest of the night...The past 5 nights or so he's been getting up every 45 minutes or less...Joel and I are both insanely exhausted, So tonight my parents are taking him so I can get a night of sleep.

We had his 6 month check up today, he's perfect! Weight and Height, he's adorable, and he did great for the shots...he still cried, but he recovered faster and he was so brave, I love that guy like crazy, he's the sweetest little monkey, even though he doesn't sleep...The doctor said "The good babies never sleep" hah...

Anyway, i'm so excited for my sister to have her little babe someday!..Hah, she's due tomorrow and no progress...I think she might end up being as miserable as I was! (UGH!!)

Other than that, I still want to get back to work, but with the sleeping situation right now, there's no way...so maybe if he gets better at sleeping, we'll work on it...

Currently....

So things are...eh. My Dr. put me on a different medication, it's suppose to make me more happy about things and have more energy..it can take up to 4 weeks to show effects, so...right now i'm still exhausted and frustrated. Hank decided this week ends his sleeping in the swing...he absolutely REFUSES to be laid down in it...he can be -dead- asleep, but as soon and you lay him down he screams bloody murder...it's been like that the last three nights, last night was the worst, BUT he won't sleep in his rock n' play or his crib either...I set up the pack n' play and we laid him on his stomach, I hated doing it, but it was the only way he would stay asleep...he slept maybe 3 hours like that, woke up and ate, and then went back down for about two...needless to say, I don't think anyone got any sleep last night...after Joel left for work I brought him to bed with me and he slept another two hours...this kid!! Seriously! He just doesn't like being laid flat, he wants a pillow...which is a huge no-no, but I don't know what else to do!!

Meh, I've been missing Mateo alot lately...I would say atleast two nights a week I cry at night while going to sleep thinking about him, and how much I miss him...We went through alot together, and sometimes I just wish I could go back to those days when he would sleep on the bed with me, and snuggle with me when I was sick...We were just working on "Bow" a couple weeks before we put him down...he was such a smart dog, I love Hank alot, I really do...but somedays I just wish life could go back to the way it was before, and we would have waited to do all this grown up stuff later in life....

Anyway...besides all that, i've been on a cleaning frenzy, with Hank being on the move soon, I got the carpets cleaned, I scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom floors, and cleaned all the baseboards...I feel like i'm nesting again...

Well, I'll leave with the cutest picture of the cutest kid in the world...

Being a stay at home mom...

I'm not sure where i'm going to take this entry and if i'm gonna go all hearts out or reserve myself...I'm bored, I don't know how people do this stay at home thing...I'm exhausted when Hank wakes me up in the morning, I have no drive to do anything during the day, I can clean the entire house in 15 minutes, I don't want to start any projects because it upsets me when I don't get it done on my terms and Hank gets cranky and I can't finish...You can only go to the store so many times in a day, and carrying hank around in that car seat is exhausting...

When Joel gets home he helps, but as soon as everyone falls asleep it's mostly up to me, he does the weekend nights and gets up sometimes to shush him, but I feel like it's a broken record...Same thing everyday, and i'm BORED.

I want to go back to work, but being exhausted from getting up all night doesn't make me a workable person, and then of course the anxiety of even going back into the work force scares the CRAP outta me...

I Hate that Hank won't sleep in his crib, I hate that I can't keep his attention for more than 10 minutes, I hate that he doesn't tell me exactly when he's hungry and how much he wants to eat, I hate that I have no one to spend time with during the day, I hate that I can't rock Hank to sleep, I hate that I give up at 3am when hank is wide awake, and I just want to go back to sleep, I hate that I just sit in front of the tv and waste my days away, I hate that I look forward to the afternoons I get to myself. I HATE that I feel this way, but I do, and I know of all the ladies out there that would give anything to be a stay at home mom, but I just don't think i'm cut out for this... I don't enjoy it.

Now don't get me wrong...I LOVE HANK, sooooooo much. I love when he smiles at me in the morning when he wakes up and sees my face, I love when he giggles from the silliest things, I love the face he makes when I feed him his food, I love how he loves his daddy so much, and smiles soooo big when he comes home from work, I love when he falls asleep and snores SO loud, I love how he gets more enjoyment from his burp rag than any expensive toys we've got him, I love that he completely knows when i'm coming to suck boogers out of his nose and he tolerates it, I love sooo many things about him.

That's why I feel so guilty for hating spending all day with my precious boy...I don't know how people do it.

Two pacifiers at once!

Lounging...with no pants on.

Iris bug playing dead...

Hat time with Daddy

5 months!

Jeez, it's been awhile. Nothing exciting going on, just hanging out with Hank daily and I'm still going out to the zoo and volunteering once to twice a week...

I'm getting really stir crazy being a stay at home mom, and i'm not good at projects or crafts because I get bored easily, and also frustrated when Hank has those days when he just doesn't want to be set down, so I find myself just watching tv and being a lame housewife...I would really love to go back to work, but i'm not sure if that's in the cards in the near future.

Went to MN in October and saw my sister and future niece/nephew in her belly!! Can't wait to meet he or she!! So exciting!

Hank is still not sleeping in his crib...but I think he's starting to get restless in the swing, ugh, and the worst part is I don't think i'm ready for him to sleep in his own room...I feel like I would always be worrying! When he's in the room with us I can hear his little snore and know that he's okay.

He's sitting up unassisted pretty well...almost figuring out crawling, but not getting anywhere, haha, we're going to have to baby proof everything soon, we haven't done ANYTHING! and I'm really worried we're going to have to get rid of most of our decorations in the living room, or else just put up a bunch of shelves to store everything on.

He's eating puree's, somedays he likes them, somedays he doesn't...eh, we'll see.

Anywho, here are some recent pictures...

Wearing Daddy's hat

Relaxing with daddy

Hank Voted

Sitting up!!

The babies I get to spend time with out at the zoo :-)

Lately...

So i've been watching what i'm eating and sloooowly but surely the pounds are -kind of- dropping off, i've lost about 8 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. It feels good, somedays i'm sooo over it and just want to eat a ton of junk food, but watching that scale go lower and being able to fit in clothes better makes it all worth it...

This is what I typically have for lunch...Salad with Artichoke hearts, tomatoes and italian dressing...What you don't see here is the mound of Croutons I put on top..hehe.

So excited to go visit my sister in about a week and a half...I hope that Hank travels well, and I hate that I feel such a goober because he sleeps in his swing, and it's going to be such a pain to figure out how to get it there and back...believe me, the last few weeks I have tried to get him to sleep EVERYWHERE...and he naps great anywhere, but when it comes to bedtime, forget about it...gah!!

Hanging out with grandma at the dog park...

Fell asleep holding his toes...

Close up

Mommy snuggle time..

13 weeks

Hank got his second set of shots last week, He hated it...We didn't rip the bandaids off this time, but he did get a fever, but it resolved with some tylenol. I'm not much in the mood for talking today, so i'll just upload some pictures...