Google search: how to find a therapist.

 Literally 90% of the people I work with right now see therapists. It is something I thought about wanting to do for so long, but it scares me. I saw a "counselor" when I was younger, and it was miserable. I could never be honest with her, because if I told her something her or my parents didn't like, she would obviously tell my parents. So I really learned how to just not tell all the details....and that totally carries into my grown life now, I don't tell my doctors anything they don't want to hear. And I know its bad, and you should be honest with your doctors, but I still have the feeling of "getting in trouble" See where i'm going with this?? I need help, I need to talk to someone about all the things I can't tell everyone else.

Hank the vicious doggo

 We had an 'extremely aggressive' dog named Hank come in for a public neuter today, he was allegedly a Rott mix and "atleast 80 lbs" What walked in today was a shepherd mix looking doggo that was 60ish pounds at best. He was muzzled coming in and so we were ready for him, he pre-sedated him with a pretty hefty dose, I asked if the owner were comfortable holding him while I sedated him and then did great loving on him. They tucked him into his kennel and the sedative worked great. He never growled once, and was most definitely not aggressive towards us. But no shame to the owners because animals act completely differently when they are in different environments...anyway we have had SO many angry animals named Hank now, and I always tell them that is not allowed.  

Animal abortion...

 Hopefully my mom isn't reading this, and if you are.....sorry, here we are. The brains of my life are here now.....sorry about the title, but is a daily occurrence. We aborted 11 kitten fetuses today...and while people get a pit in the stomach about that...I get it, I do, i'm not a totally heartless piece of shit contrary to popular belief....BUT, even in private practice we aborted fetuses that were not far enough along to know about, or accidental....allllllll the time. I also saw poorly bred dogs that didn't need to make more babies for this world. That were PURPOSELY bred!! UGH...I have seen it from both sides, seriously.....but as working at the shelter, the biggest thing that we can do as an organization is NOT make more animals with all of those poor animals that don't have homes and roaming the streets....I get it, people puppies and kittens are cute...but just like un-wanted kids in the foster system, etc...like COME ON...we don't need more animals in this world....So anyway, slight context we had a stray pregnant cat come in today....and basically she has 72 hours for "evacuate" those tenants before we spay her and essentially say "goodbye" to her babies....this is life, this is shelter life, this is veterinary life, and unfortunately people just don't love it. I don't either, but I try to disconnect myself from the tiny lives, ya know? Anyway, thats all.

I'm failing at this....

 I seem to be failing at journaling and I was going to try so hard at this health challenge this month! UGH, just reminds me that I often forget about myself and the normal things I need to do in life...Work is something that takes my mind off of everyday things, and when i'm off work I like to just melt my brain watching terrible tv and movies and catching up on senseless social media. How exciting...we had another foreign body dog that came in thursday night, I nursed him all day friday and he was seeming to be alot better. Ate a meal for me, drank water was bright and alert when I left. The tech working saturday said he was very sad and lethargic when she showed up. They ended up doing surgery, and the dog coded during recovery....CPR was administered, but was not successful. Poor pup, atleast he had some love and care before he passed, which is really all I could hope for in that situation. Anyway, life and things....

Things and stuff

 Just added to the ranting from a few days ago....vet techs don't get enough recognition. I just learned today that my co-worker, who overall has less veterinary experience than me, is not licensed, and will potentially be offered a lead position, makes more money than me. Not to mention her attendance and the amount of times she has been late to work is just astounding....and maybe, no definitely....I was raised different. I hold myself to an absolute different standard...I am not late, I literally would be dying outside and crawl myself into work on time...punctuality when it comes to work has always been insanely ingrained in my head as being like the first thing anyone notices....now has this held true through my life/career?? Absolutely not, my boss is late most days....frustrating?! ab so fricking lutely!! Like when did showing up on time, not become important?! 

Anyway, Vet tech is not a protected title and it probably won't be in the forseeable future. So like Nurses, you can't call yourself a nurse unless you've had formal training/passed a test. Certified Nurse assistant, Registered Nurse, Licensed Practical nurse....etc. You can't just call yourself a nurse without having some credentials....unlike being a Veterinary technician....You can call yourself  a veterinary technician for On the job training, or just working at a clinic for two seconds...nobody cares, and being "Licensed" also doesn't matter, because the title just isn't regulated, so nobody care or knows what being Licensed, certified, etc entails....

Thoughts and words, I am also listening to my ten year old talk about things, so I can't form my ideas/thoughts appropriately. 

Well yea....

 Journaling is hard on days that I don't work, because I don't do much on my days off. I am very much a home body that cleans or runs errands, or just sits around and does nothing on my days off. It snowed today too, so I didn't want to go do anything. Joel went to work and then came home with the day off. We ended up meeting some of the guys downtown for lunch and then I took a nap and did some CE for work. Joel went to take Hank to get his hair cut. YUP...oh yea today is valentines day. Meh, I'm feeling like poop today, probably haven't been eating that great lately....

Because

 I didn't forget to journal yesterday. I just didn't feel like it, tough...whatever, it happens. Anyway, wasn't supposed to work today, but got a text first thing in the morning for a sick co-worker.... So I worked a half shift, and then just stayed on call for the rest of the day, but they didn't need me. So cool...But I have the next two days off. So theres that, I have a hard time having more than two days off in a row...I feel like I miss so much at work, and I hate it. I like to know whats happening and be involved...especially when there are special cases and what not. I did an "interview" this evening with co-worker who is becoming at "euthanasia specialist"? I don't know if thats exactly what it's called, but whatevs, I had a chance to share Mateo's story and behavioral euthanasia, which is still such a taboo subject. Anything I can do to help...